Pregnant stripper...not hot.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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