who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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