I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
