You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
