I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
