You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
