i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
