The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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