Your tits are I can't wait for
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
