i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
