Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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