Someone shit on the floor
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
