she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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