it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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