you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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