from now on my penis is your penis
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
