He asked to "fluff my boner.."
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
