I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
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