I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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