There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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