matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
