I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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