do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
