Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
