nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
