im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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