I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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