Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
