sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
