There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
