don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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