Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
