gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
