I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
