i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
