Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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