I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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