i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
