dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Your cock deserves a montage
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
