GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
