it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
