Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
