My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
