It's like God shit irony all over that family
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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