just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
