I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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