the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My life is pants optional.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
