I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
