Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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