Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
