There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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