Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
