I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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