all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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