You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
