She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
